I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

We have only 3 mths til we move to New Zealand.Theres so much to do!We have to sell all our furniture and *things*…we have to ship the harley to NZ and were getting quotes every day.Its getting stressful.But I know that its the right thing to do and we just have to get organised.James cancer is a worry too even tho I try not to think about it,but its one of the main reasons why we are moving.In America there is no widows benefit.I dont want to be left behind here and have to cope with everything on my own.I need to have my family around me to nurture and love me.I really want the kid to have a new life too.Shes 14 and Im the only one that can raise her.I love her and will always be a good mother to her.I realised today that if it wasnt for me she wouldnt know lots of every day things.She hadnt learned about periods,about general health.She hadnt ever had a mothers love.Her mother didnt even love herself altho shes a very selfish person.But then thats what drug addiction does.I have no second thoughts about leaving here because I know that its the best thing for all of us.James will have a new life with no worries about what will happen to me.He will be able to ride to the beach,the mountains,the city…he will have fun and laugh and we will all make fun of this *loud American* as my Mum calls him.She adores James and loved her time here with us.When we went to NZ last year she laughed at him and told him to shut up cos she couldnt hear the tv.But each morning she got up she made him biscuits and gravy and lots of cookies and cakes.She took him to the Waitomo Caves.They laughed all day.He saw a kiwi bird and he was amazed at the size of them cos he thought they were real small like a chicken.He loved the ppl there and all my friends.He loves to ride on the wrong side of the road! Legally!Coris not that thrilled about having to wear a school uniform but shes looking forward to the kiwi boys;) She will get to surf in the summer and skateboard in the winter.She wont have the same pressures to conform that she has here.Shes very beautiful and also impressionable so I have to keep a close eye on her here.At home I wont feel the same stress about her cos I know the scene.Im so looking forward to being with my son again too.Hes been sounding quite down when I talk to him lately and I worry about him.My grandson will be able to be a part of my life again and spend nights with us.Hes the cutest thing and very clever too.
Oh well…its all going to work out and I have to leave it in Gods hands.His timing is perfect and I have faith:)

posted by butterflies @ 4:18 PM


At 1:35 PM, Anonymous Elaine said...

Hi butterflies! thanks for letting me know about your new blog! sorry to hear your old one crashed :( I hope this one is better for you.. I thought blogger had advertising.

Sounds like your move to NZ will be good for all. I'll be you can hardly wait. I can feel the love for the land and people in your 'voice'.

At 1:45 PM, Blogger coasterJoe said...

Good luck with your move. I hope everything goes well and your family can spend some good time together. I will say my prayers for you and James.


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