I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The happy and the sad

Every morning I watch Good Morning New Zealand on TV.On Monday morning,Sarah,the host,came on and was coughing and sick and I emailed the show and asked that they give her a couple of days off because she should be at home resting and not spreading germs around and that I hoped shed be better soon....today she came back to TV and she thanked me personally on the show:) She said Id like to thank Beverley for her lovely kind thoughts and wish her well as she nurses her husband with cancer.
I was so stoked to hear that! So I went to tell James and I couldnt wake him up..I kissed his cheek,I rubbed his face,stroked his hair..nothing..
Then I kissed his lips.They parted and he opened his eyes and said..oh its my angel.
He smiled and went back into the deep sleep he was enjoying.
But I freaked..I went all sad.I came back to the lounge and cried.Im scared..Then Jake texted me and said go with the flow..he just knew what to say.Hes a good son.
I dont want my James to leave me but I know hes just about held on as long as he can.I feel the presence of God and we are bathed in His love.But Im still scared.
I dont want to live without my lover.I need his laughter..and his kind words.
Oh God..help me through this!

posted by butterflies @ 11:11 AM

15 Comments:

At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I knew the right things to say... I am thinking of you both..

try to be strong

SaraXX

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger jafabrit said...

I too don't know what to say, but I wanted to send a hug.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger Chana said...

i'm crying with you for i can read your despetaration and feel just a bit of your ache. i too don't or can't say anything to make it any better. i'm so sorry. i wish...

i love you B. i wish you weren't loosing him. i'm sorry.

May God Grant you strength.

 
At 11:32 PM, Blogger Snoo said...

Just commenting to send you prayers and loving thoughts.

 
At 12:23 AM, Blogger Dr.John said...

God will be there through it all and you have the prayers of so many.

 
At 2:10 AM, Blogger Gary said...

Your son is right. Go with the flow. And remember there are many people in this world who are on your side.

 
At 2:40 AM, Blogger Useless Man said...

It's times like these that I truly feel useless.

But know that God grants you the strength you need each day. Live your life, rely on Him.

There are many of us through out the world thinking of you.

 
At 5:26 AM, Blogger Martini said...

Chana sent me. I really wish I knew what to say. You are lucky in one respect - you have a chance to say goodbye and everything else you need to say. Use your time wisely. It's a gift.

 
At 5:42 AM, Anonymous tony said...

butterfly my blog mate,I was visiting chana"s blog and was sad to read about it on chana's blog. I can pray for you and wish you all the best.yes go with the flow like your son says.
you will be in my thoughts
zt
http://zingtrial.blogsome.com/

 
At 6:07 AM, Blogger sleeplessinoklahoma said...

My dearest sister-friend,
Oh how well I know that experience. There just are no words. Know, as you always have, that God is holding James close. He is also holding you, hugging you through the pain. I am so sorry for the ending to this story. For we do know how it will end. Please know that you are in my thoughts, prayers, & heart. I love you both so much!! As I was reading your blog I too began to cry. Just so painful!!
Take care dearest. I am beside you!

Blessed be....

 
At 6:27 AM, Blogger Kimmy said...

I am here via Chana's blog... Go Forth &... I just had to stop by. I know my words cannot take your pain away. I know the pain you are feeling right now is so deep. Please know that I am thinking of you and your family. I am praying for God's arms to comfort you and keep you. I am praying for His peace to surround you. I am holding your hand right now...
God bless...

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger Mimi said...

I stop by now and then but I had no idea you were going through this. I am very sorry to read this. I am near tears. My heart truly goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. But I know those words do not exist. Enjoy your time together and remember you do not have to see someone in order for them to be with you!

 
At 10:51 AM, Anonymous Pop C said...

Butterfly,

I am here via Chana's blog. I am so, so sorry to read about your situation. You do seem to have it all together in that you trust in God to take care of both you and James. May He continue to hold you in the palm of his hand and please know that we are here for you.

Pop C

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger Jod{i} said...

I am here via CHana.
I am awed by your compassion and your strength...I read back a few posts and with all you have going on in your heart and your mind...you stop to notice someone else...that is incredible..

That is what ripples out...

Peace and comfort
Jodi

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger Lori said...

I'm stopping by to send my prayers and strength... I feel your bond with your soul mate, James... I too have met my perfect match and fear everyday in losing him. 5 years ago we had a terrible diagnosis of Cancer and hopefully through surgery and radiation we have beaten it... Only God knows... I'm sorry for the hard news of stage 4... my husband's Mom passed because of Lymphoma and she lived on for over three years too. Her husband took her to every possible chance to make her well and in the end she shares her resting place with Jesus...
I know it's hard to be just thankful that you too shared this short time on earth together... know that it's not going to be the last time you two meet... Enjoy your time and savory your memories...
God Bless,
Lori

 

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