Sunday, June 18, 2006
A new Day
When I woke up this morning the sun was shining after a week of rain and storms.
My mood had lifted too and I almost deleted yesterdays post but this is my journal and it is reality so I left it.I hate feeling all depressed and full of self pity!!
Id rather not have any feelings at all than feel like that.....and thats where Ive been the last few days.When something happens and my heart races and I get stressed,I seem to cope by shutting off my feelings so I can cope physically.I dont need stress of other things and all I want is James.Hes so good and we compliament each other very well.When hes down,I make him laugh,sit on his knee,nuzzle his ear and give him cookies.When Im down,he gets me wine,runs me a bath full of bubbles,finds me good magazines and holds me a lot.
Today I have turned a corner.Things will work out again and I will laugh.
Thanks Chana and Mimi for your love and support..I appreciate them.
CHEERS:)
posted by butterflies @ 10:02 AM
6 Comments:
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i too have a couple of times posted and woken up a couple of hours later to delete it. i was overwhelmed by the anger or sadness in those words that i had written. i was too concern of how i must really be at that moment in life to feel as i wrote. and then something happened in a few posts ago (monsters be gone), i let go and took a chance that i could be totally human too. and the strangest thing happen, you and many others came to and you showed me love and support. and all that anticipation and anger and frustration i felt over not feeling perfect at the time felt secondary to knowing that i wasn't alone anymore and that there were many souls out there who care for me too. i don't know if i will ever delete or keep me from writting how it really feels sometimes but for now, i feel safe enough to do so. i was and am always concern of how and what i write. everyone can laugh at a good joke or a funny pic but what happens with a heavier topic. will they feel sorry for me? something i don't want or need. will they look down at me? will they realize that this too is just a moment in time? and through my fears i instead got love. love and not pity. love and concern as i am too important and that was an amazing thing to know. so my sweet, know that i will never feel sorry for you for there is no need. that i look up to you for all that you are including your down times. and know that i'm thinking of you and wishing that the future would hold a different ending. hugs.
Thats such a lovely photo!!! Glad things are looking up :)
Sara X
Glad to hear that your spirits have lifted.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
You have perfect hair for a headband! :-)
I applaud you for being so strong in the midst of such a difficult situation. It must be so difficult to cope with all that you're going through. I'm glad that you are having a good day! Cheers to you! With love and prayers,
So glad your spirits have lifted. The wet and cold winter doesn't help much with mood, I guess. And according to the MET service, we can expect more horrible weather to come this weekend.
SOmetimes though, it is nice to cuddle up with someone (esp since you do have James) and just relax, or read a book. Me, I cuddle up with my stuff polar bear and read a good book.