I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Sunday, February 04, 2007

James has come through another crisis.He is stabilised now.The days still revolve around nurses and injections and pumps but hes not vomitting and hes peaceful.He has some times of wakefulness...he even managed to talk to his Mum for a couple of minutes the other day.He sucks on peppermints and drinks a little beef broth and eats a bit of jello.But mostly he sleeps..dreaming ketamine dreams.Its a joy to me that he is so peaceful and painfree.
I am exhausted with a tiredness Ive never felt before.It seeps into my bones.When I try to doze off,the dog barks signalling that someone else has arrived.Ppl coming,friends,family,nurses,strangers..its a foreign world to me and has shattered the routine in my little cottage.
I am so tired I cant think and am operating on auto pilot.But I wouldnt have it any other way.This is our life for now.
I read all the emails I get but Im too wasted to reply..but thankyou all anyway.I do appreciate them and they keep me going.

posted by butterflies @ 3:32 PM

12 Comments:

At 5:12 PM, Blogger Susan said...

Here via Chanas blog.
I was moved by your writing and just want you to know that a stranger is thinking about you. May you find the reserves of strength you need to get you through.

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger Chana said...

My darling friend, don't worry about any emails. We just want you to know that we are thinking about you and that we love you sooo much. Love to James and you....

Always with you, every second of every minute..

XOXO

 
At 6:57 PM, Anonymous catraggedy said...

Bev - please don't worry about replying... we are still reading.

And I'm so glad that James is not in pain. I'm praying for you both...

love, cr

 
At 11:22 PM, Blogger UKBob said...

That's right, you have far more important things to think about than replying to us lot. Personally speaking I wouldn't leave a comment if I thought you felt obliged to reply. You must rest and look after James dear and we will all take care of ourselves for now. Best wishes, Bob.

 
At 4:44 AM, Blogger sleeplessinoklahoma said...

No need for replys dearest sister-friend. The world in which you & James now reside is a very personal one. I appreciate the posts that share moments of it with all of us. I know, so well, the walk you are both now taking. It is an intimate, solitary time for you. The fatigue is from so many things that you are now going through...physical tiredness, emotional upheaval, mental overload. But, as you know, God gives us the strength to go on each day & handle what comes with each passing moment of this journey. You are a WONDER!! You & James have embraced this ministry that was thrust upon you. Thank you!! Thank you for all the inspiration & hope your journey, your love for each other has brought to everyone who has stopped by your blog whether it was once or many times.
I love you!! I love James!!
You are my tribe. My prayers are with you always. You both are forever in my heart & never a moment passes that you are not in my thoughts. My friends here know you both & your story because I am always giving them updates.
Praise God that James is painfree. That is wonderful. Again, I am so happy for your support group there. It can be tiring with people coming in & out, but the love they bring, the support for you both, it is important for them as much as, & maybe more so, than for you & James.

Much love, hugs, smiles, & prayers to the both of you.

Blessed be...

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger Polar Bear said...

Wish I could come by and be with you. At least I know that you are being looked after and there are lots of good people around you both...

HUGS
Polar B.

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger Moobear said...

I am there with you Butterflies; not in body, but with every ounce of concern and prayers and thoughts. You inspire me my friend. May God continue to help you endure and I thank him for letting James be able to eat a bit and thank him for allowing James to be in limited pain. God is good and he is with you... Much love..

Claudia

 
At 5:22 PM, Blogger hattigrace said...

Lost my mother to lung cancer. The last days were as you have written. But oh so different b/c he is your soulmate. Came from Chana's. How generous of you to share from this most intimate place.

 
At 3:24 AM, Blogger Gary said...

Take care of James, but also remember to take care of yourself.

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Joe & Karen said...

Dearest Butterflies,
Your love and faith has inspired me through this past year.
Your love and attention is where it needs to be. Try to find a moment to rest.
My love and prayers are with you and James, every day
Love
K

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger Dr.John said...

I am glad that there are people who are there and will be there for you. I keep prayoing for you both.

 
At 3:47 AM, Blogger for what it's worth said...

Love and peaceful thoughts to you both. Rest yourself in the warmth of God's spirit which so fully surrounds you both. And rest in the knowledge that people all across this world are praying united for you both.

Much love,
4

 

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