I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Simple Man

This morning I woke with a start...I was in my bed.In the bedroom.Sometime in the night I must have taken myself off to bed without even knowing it! What if something had happened to James?? What if hed called me and I didnt hear him?? But I came out to the lounge and watched him breathing,shallow then deep,then shallow again.I spend hours a day watching his chest.
I realised yesterday when I was emailing Cori(who BTW is doing really well at school in NY and is happy,getting on with life with her new friends...were so proud of her.She has her fathers strength)...it occured to me that james has been really sick for a year now.It was this time last year when Diane paid for Ange to come over to see her Dad and arrange all the guardianship issues.He could hardly walk to the car then.Since August hes been almost bedridden..he has come through some serious life and death times and hes still around to joke and laugh!! I look at his skinny tiny body and I hug him and feel his bones.His face has changed but hes still the beautiful man I fell in love with.Hes still tells me I look gorgeous or that I smell nice.He still pats my bum when I bend over to tend to him.When I bath him he says..want to get in??!! His spirit is so alive still.He amazes me.
He amazes everybody.He cant do anything for himself now.I do all his caring..but for some reason,he still feels that life is good.What an attitude to have.Diane,his sister said to me that hes a rebel and always has been...he wont do anything conventionally..LOL.Its true.
Hes a simple man (thats the song he wants played at his funeral).He doesnt want nor ask for much.Hes content in himself.He never complains except when they stick needles into him..then he winces.
Today is a beautiful day.Its hot and sunny.The doctors on her way to try and figure out how to get his pain meds into him without putting in a third pump!!I will bath him while they figure it.
Its been a long hard year.But one that I wouldnt have missed for the world!

posted by butterflies @ 10:39 AM


At 11:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yah, James is a simple man, but only in his wants and needs...James, remember when had our first few conversations out in the breezeway? You were talking to me about remembering your father and when he passed away (you were comforting me because my dad just passed). And you talked to me about these articles you read in National Geographic. I mean, I NEVER ONCE read a story in National Geographic (I just looked at the pictures!!). You cracked me up because you are this rough-gruff biker dude who is all fuzzy and brilliant to boot!
See you guys soon

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Dr.John said...

You have been given by God such a gift of this last time together. It just seems so right.

At 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

While some would say, "You have had such a horrible year", I would be inclined to say, you have had a blessed year. You have been given the time that so many of us waste. And you and James have taken every second to share in the journey of love and life. It is out of the turmoil that love grows it's true wings. And you have shared in opening each other's wings for whatever flight may be ahead of you.
I am in awe of you, Dear Butterfly and of you James. You show so much faith and hope in the twilight of each day. God Bless you both!
As Always,

At 4:25 PM, Blogger Chana said...

"Apart in Distance"
written by: Dawn O'brien and Inspired by The Holy Spirit

Although distance may separte us
You are in my thoughts & prayers
At the start, always close in heart
You are very dear to me
More than you know
Watch over thee
Good friends are hard to find
They are one of a kind
Tomorrow is a brand new day
I pray God gives you strength
To help you along the way!

Ephesians 6:18, :And pray in The Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

My dear friend, through the next little bit i may not be able to read your words but keep on writting my son will look for any messages from you. He will me our go in between..I love you. Don't for a second forget i'm right with you. My heart to you and James..

At 3:21 AM, Blogger Chana said...

quick note: scheduled event was just cancelled and postponed until beginning of April or earlier if a cancellation comes up...it's okay, life happens..:) will email you with details later for the basement workers are arrriving any minute and they disconnet internet down in basement..love you.

At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Dan said...

As always,my thoughts are with you both daily.
Hope to catch you on MSN soon and we will have another of our long chats.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger Gary said...

James is right. Life IS good.

At 2:45 AM, Blogger sleeplessinoklahoma said...

James is living life on his terms...& that is beautiful. Courageous, honorable, loving, faithful, faith-filled, inspiring, Godly. Those words accurately describe the simple man that is James all rolled up in a biker/rebel body. I just love that man!! and I love you, too sister-friend.

Many prayers coming your way.

Blessed be...


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