I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Falling into PLace

Well..the tickets are booked and all ready thanks to the lovely Sara.
We are leaving NZ on the 10th July and arriving in OKlahoma on the 11th.Its a long trip and we decided to take an over night stop over in LA so we wouldnt be so tired.
I will be taking my Baby James ashes home.We will have a memorial service and we will scatter his ashes at the lake where he proposed to me.His family will all be there and all the ppl he loves.His daughters will be there to say a final farewell to their Dad..Its neccesary for all of us and will give some kind of closure.
But every day I miss him so much.For the last 2 days I have been walking around with his drivers licence in my pocket and I take it out and kiss his pic.It helps.
He smiles at me from the photos on the wall and he loves me from heaven.
Im ok...I have had great support and kindness and as much as anyone can bear something like this,I am..
God is good and has been,and always is,the force that keeps me.

posted by butterflies @ 7:43 PM

10 Comments:

At 12:14 AM, Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

wonderful that you posted today, I have been thinking of you the last few days, and I could feel (so I thought) that you were having some hard times again. Keep up the good work of loving James, kiss his pictures and hugg your family and friends :)

 
At 5:20 AM, Blogger sleeplessinoklahoma said...

Glad to see a post today!! I am so excited that I will get to see you in July. Hopefully, the service will be on a weekend so I can be there, but if not we will DEFINATELY get together for a few laughs, some tears, & many many memories. I love you sista!!

Blessed be...

 
At 6:02 AM, Blogger for what it's worth said...

I am so pleased that you have the trip booked. It will be an amazing experience to be surrounded by more people that loved James and love you.I am sure he is looking at you and loving your strength and devotion,as he likely always has.

God Bless Dear B!

love 4

 
At 6:34 AM, Blogger Clara....in TN said...

Good to see your post today. May God continue to bless you every day. I know James is looking out for you and he is very proud of you and loves you even more today than ever before.

 
At 2:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I AM SO HAPPY YOU POSTED TODAY, I WAS GETTING WORRIED ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE BECOME SUCH AN INSPIRATION, NOT ONLY TO ME BUT TO ALL WHO READ YOUR BLOG. YOUR TRIP IN JULY WILL BE VERY SPECIAL AND I AM SURE WILL BE MAKING JAMES VERY HAPPY.
HANG IN THERE!

MARIA ( NEW JERSEY)

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger Polar Bear said...

So glad to hear that you have forward thinking plans. I think it will be good for you to go back to the U.S. and take James home with you. I hope you have a good trip.

HUGS
Polar B.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Dr.John said...

I am glad you are taking James home. It might also help to give you some closure. I keep praying for you.

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger Joe & Karen said...

Dear Butterflies,
I'm so sorry I havn't been around for a long while... but have just caught up on your posts, and cried many tears. Tears of heart ache for the pain I can't even begin to understand you feel, pride for your determination to carry on your way, and do what you need to do on good days and bad. But most of all, I cried tears of happiness that you are able to go and bring James ashes to such a sacred place, and be there again.
Not a day goes by you are not in my thoughts and prayers.
Karen

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Mimi said...

I wish you a safe trip. You and James have touched many lives through this blog. You always fill me with such great emotion but I can never put my thought into words.

Take care!:)

 
At 1:18 AM, Blogger Chana said...

it feels like many lifetimes ago since i have been here...

i thought i come with buckets full of hugs and kisses..cuddles and wishes for a happy mother's day.

you raised a fine man and you deserve all the joy in the world.

happy mother's day to your mom too pls.

all my love my sweet.

 

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