I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Exhausted!!


This morning I woke up crying...I had been dreaming.In the dream I was staying at our old family bach at the beach and looked outside and the waves were really close to the end of the grass...(the bach goes right down to the sea)..and there in the water were heaps of dolphins jumping and swimming and playing in the water,jumping high and diving back down..I began to cry,in the dream,real sobbing and sobbing..someone came up behind me and put their arms around me and said..its ok,just let it out.I dont know who it was but I was grateful..then I woke up and it was all so real in my mind it has shaken me for the whole day.
I know Im tired.Ive been looking after my Ezzie this week cos its the school holidays and Jakes working.Ez is adorable and almost 8.Hes sensitive and funny and very intuitive..but weve also had Lukes kids(7&3) for the week.The 2 boys play well for a while then an arguement breaks out..(Kaydens broken my gun!!!!) and the little girl whos 3 is adorable..looks like a little doll with her blonde curls and sweet dresses.But then she yells at the boys**come and play with me..get back here!!!***.meantime the boys are sprinting off over the paddocks to escape her! Its full ON!
Ive cooked for all of us. 4 guys and me and 3 kids..the kids dont want real food.They eat noodles and mashed potatoes,so Im making all these different foods.
But you know? I wouldnt have it any other way.Family and kids are life.Its life on-going.Yesterday hospice came out and the kids all wanted to meet the nurse and all had a talk.The nurse told me she didnt know how I do all this..LOL.
I dont either but I am given super natural strength.Tho in my dream I cracked.
Im just so bloody exhausted and tired all the time.
But when I wake up and take my coffee out onto the deck in the early morning,this is what I see.Its still and quiet(apart from magpies screeching and these will soon be disposed of;)and its the best time of the day.

posted by butterflies @ 10:45 AM

9 Comments:

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Gary said...

Sitting there and seeing all that beauty would give me lots of energy. That really is a wonderful place to meet the day.

I love mashed potatoes and noodles. But definately not in the same meal. :)

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger Mimi said...

What a meaningful dream. I occasionaly have dreams where I sob and wake up sobbing. Some are sad and in some I am sobbing from happiness. And some stay with me all day and it is like I am still in that other world. It is such a odd feeling.

What a busy one you are! I am glad that you are trying to get the kids to eat other stuff. I think that is best even if they do not actually eat it, offering it up makes a difference,eventually,hopefully! LOL! But I do love mashed potatoes and noodles. But like Gary, not in the same meal.

 
At 2:55 PM, Blogger Cuppojoe said...

The mind works in mysterious ways, sometimes in ways that we just don't understand. But one thing is for sure: it knows what its doing.

Your dream may have meaning for you, and it may not. In the end, there was obviously an emotional release that you "knew" deep down inside you needed, just to keep yourself on an even keel, so it happened.

By the way, I don't know if I'd be able to make myself go to work each day if I had that view to wake up to! You're quite lucky.

 
At 4:07 PM, Blogger sleeplessinoklahoma said...

WOW!! What poignant, joyful, sorrowful post. SO truthful, so insightful. I know exactly how you are feeling. I kept having dreams after Dave moved in with me that I was searching everywhere-caves, houses, streets, open spaces...EVERYWHERE. Someone would always ask me "What are you doing?" I would answer that I had to find him... I had to save Dave. I, too, was exhausted. You do have superhuman strength...a gift from God to help you get through. There is just so much to do everyday....I know. You are doing a marvelous job, but I believe in order to continue doing so, your emotions, mind, & body must completely let go once in awhile to regain some strength. You may have more dreams, embrace them, find the meaning/message in them. Take care my dearest sister!! I wish I could be there to help you. I know what you mean about family & living. I was always comforted when the house was full of family & friends. Dave always rallied at those times.
Know that I am beside you in spirit-holding you up-hugging you-helping you-praying with you. I love you!!! You are constantly in my prayers. Hug, smiles, lots of love to all ya'll!

Blessed be...

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger Chana said...

you are so wonderful, i know you don't think i have been selfish but i have not been around for you lately. you have been so busy, working so hard, loving your James and being so strong and taking care of all those beautiful munchkins. still managing to email me and read my ever repeating words. and with all you got going, you still leave me comfort and love and understanding in your comments. i need to give you back. how? pls tell me. i need to let you know how much you have helped me since we met. how much you give me in respect and love and concern. i need to let you know how wonderful i think you are. how beautiful you are in the outside and how incredible you are in the inside. how?




you are so strong. your emotions are so real however. the hurt, sadness, anger, love, gladness, gratefullness, knowledge, Faith...you are not one to let them all out and take over you, not the stressful ones anyways. they have to come out somehow, they probably came out in your dream. your journey is a hard one. you are handling it more than i could ever express.

you are a genuine love honey. not only do you love all your family but your friends. you don't give or do half way.

how many times can you read me say how much i admire your common sense and your attitude?

pls tell James that i love him too. that i'm so forever grateful that we all met. that he will forever hold a place in my heart. that he has much to teach and i'm trying to learn.

forgive my absence. i shall get back to blogging for my friends need to know i care about what is going on in their lives.

i love you.
i truly love you.

 
At 8:23 AM, Blogger Polar Bear said...

I've had dreams like that too, where I wake up crying. I hope you get a better night's rest tonight.

I'm not surprised you are exhausted. But it's great that you can wake up and enjoy the day. Coffee always helps!

Polar B.

 
At 8:54 AM, Blogger Joe & Karen said...

Dear Butterflies, I have no doubt that in your dream you were hugged by an angel. Thats why you woke up feeling it, because it was real. It is ok to be exhausted, it is ok to let it out. you are superhuman, but even superhumans need a break. How special to have your morning spot with a coffee. know that you are loved, and my prayers are with you and James everyday
K

 
At 2:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I wake up crying, it's only because I'm so happy to see you.

Love you,

James

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger Brony said...

Very interesting dream. You should listen to what it is saying.

I like what Joe and Karen said about the angel. That is so special and likely very true.

Take the time you need for you.

 

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