I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Its springtime here and its freezing! We have had snow down in the Sth Island and its killed heaps of new born lambs.I planted my garden last week and its just sitting there,not growing at all.Im inside and outside all day..it rains,then sun comes out and I dont know whether Im Arthur or Martha!
The palliative care doctors came out yesterday to see James and some nurses too.They said the cottage was lovely and peaceful and they were all grateful to get out of the hospital setting and have some quiet country time and some REAL coffee! They said James liver and spleen are very swollen and theres new lumps appearing but then today...James went out with Luke for a drive! Its the first time Ive been at home alone since we came back here.They went to the gun shop! LOL..(how very male) and got some targets and some ammo.Its a bit of a concern having someone as out of it as James is wandering around with a gun but hopefully he will kill a few magpies and maybe some starlings too.He bought himself a really high powered pellet gun rifle with a scope.It will keep him amused while hes out of bed.The doctor told him to do whatever he wants! (thanks a lot Dr Des!).
Im happy to just be home even tho ppl keep trying to make me go out.I dont like leaving James and even tho theres lots of ppl around willing to stay with him,Im content to sit on the deck and read and write in my diaries.
James is awake from 2pm til 9pm and thats not much but I dont want to miss a second of it.I can spend all day just watching him sleep.
We had a lovely week with my Ezzie and he reminded me that life is all about NOW..tomorrow may never come.
Today my lover went out in the car and enjoyed the little drive,thats a good thing.:)

posted by butterflies @ 4:20 PM


At 6:22 PM, Blogger Bint Alshamsa said...

I am very glad that you all had such a pleasant day. I came across your blog after seeing a comment that you wrote on the Parenting With Mental Illness blog. It touched me to hear about what you are going through because I am several years into living with an incurable cancer right now. How families like our manage to get through each and every day is a miracle all by itself.

I am afraid that I might not be able to really deal with visiting your blog regularly because I have my own mental illnesses that I struggle to keep control over and your situation would probably hit too close to home for me to be able to deal with your experiences. Nevertheless, I did want to let you know that I had visited your blog and I am wishing you all as many more happy days together as possible. I send you my warmest hugs and kisses of support from one cancer-affected family to another.

You are always welcome to stop by my blog which has a lot about my experiences with cancer but also a lot of totally unrelated stuff. I started it so that when I die my daughter would have something to look at and understand what kind of person I was and what I believed in and valued.

My prayers are with you all.

At 6:55 PM, Blogger Gary said...

Lovely photo of your plants.

You are so right about life being about NOW. I try to tell myself that as often as possible. Thanks for the reminder.

At 3:47 AM, Blogger Cuppojoe said...

I think some people have a hard time understanding that you just want to be with James as much as possible. It's not their fault, really... They just don't (can't) have a concept of what it's like for you. They probably think they're offering you a much-needed "break", but don't understand that every minute counts for you and James.

So, you just keep on doing what you're doing... it's the right thing.

At 9:51 AM, Blogger sleeplessinoklahoma said...

Gotta agree with Cuppajoe! Unless someone has been on the road you & James are traveling they just cannot understand the need to spend every moment together-even if he is asleep. I know how you feel. Keep doing what you are doing--it is the right choice (but you already know that).

I love ya sista!! You are my heart, my inspiration. Your friendship has completed my life. I am so blessed that you are a part of me. We are sisters in a way others could not dream. We did not choose this club we belong to, but we have faced it with grace, poise, dignity, faith, & tremendous love. We will always be one heart beating in two bodies.

Take care. Hugs, smiles, love, & kisses to all.

Blessed be...

At 10:32 AM, Blogger sleeplessinoklahoma said...

PS James with a gun...LOL!! Like Dave with one ~smiles~ The State of OK said he could carry concealed after he retired. Right???!!!!???!!! He kept his Glock in the cabinet next to his bed & would occassionally have me check that it was there, could he reach it, etc. We did go out one night & check for prowlers. THink we scared the shit outa Mom. Here go her two kids each with gun in hand heading toward the front door. It was funny!!

At 1:05 PM, Blogger Chana said...

all i want is for you to be as happy as possible for as long as possible. whatever that means.

there is really no right words to say and so we often put our foots in the mouth trying to help..and really we can't help for to help would be to change God's Will.

i'm glad that your home is a place of so much love and peace that all can witness it and enjoy it.

it is a real treat for me to hear of James out with Luke. how wonderful a gift in itself that is.

every second is precious and every hour another gift. spend it as you wish and need to.

yourself for i love you dearly and James for i love him too and LUke for bringing so much joy to both of you.


At 2:01 PM, Blogger Mimi said...

I am very glad you had a good week and that you are living in the moment. That is what life is all about in some ways. Someone who lives to be 100 might not have lived the more fullfilling life of someone who lived to be 30. Just for that reason.

I am sad to hear about the lambs. I bet your cottage is very beautiful. As always you and James are in my prayers. and I truly mean that, I am not just being polite!


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