I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

self trust..

I WILL listen, remember and take note of the wise words of ~~ Maya Angelou - "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". Trust your instincts. Listen to that small quiet voice deep within. If something does not feel right, it isn't. If you feel the need to run, RUN!! Always, always trust yourself.
My beautiful sister friend reminded me of that today.Thanks chick:)

posted by butterflies @ 11:47 PM 2 comments

Monday, October 26, 2009


Today I feel so blessed to have such a good life.
I have my own home,a loving family moderate health(lol) and the most amazing friends anyone could ever wish for.
Something happened that made me so angry and instead of yelling and screaming I went sad..depressed even..It was a disappointment that sneaked up on me and made me go retreating back to the saftey of James love.
Everytime something makes me angry or sad,I delve deep into that safe place in my heart where James is.i picked some roses and kissed his pic and thanked him for loving me and Im back into normal mode again!!
I will be thankful again and no angry..I will give thanks and I will be happy and joyous and I will remember the good times as I usually do.
For all the guys who have told me that they will be my brothers forever,thankyou.
And for my sisters-of-my-heart...I love you:)
Now that summer has officially begun Ive done what always mends my broken heart.I have been planting flowers...
Maybe its because of the broken times my garden gets bigger but every time I plant a flower its a memory.And over the summer they grow and so do my memories.
Im in awe of the special people that keep me going and I hope I do the same for them.

posted by butterflies @ 3:15 PM 5 comments

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I was right

The tests I had have all turned out to be normal just as I thought.
Of course Im stoked :)

The anesthetic knocked the crap out of me and its taken 48 hrs to get it out of my system.Its the same stuff I was given after surgery once to stop me vomitting.
Its called the truth drug...I dont remember anything of the procedure but that night I dreamed of James.Him and I were just living our normal life and he was healthy and pre-sick...
I woke feeling as if we had just spent some lovely time together.
All day I could hardly move and was zapped of my strength..But today I felt better.Had a glass of wine with dinner,macaroni cheese homemade.And it didnt hurt!
I think the wine makes eating much less stressful.

So..cheers my friends and thanks for the support!!

posted by butterflies @ 11:25 PM 7 comments

Sunday, October 04, 2009


Tomorrow Im booked into hospital for exploratory surgery..
For some unknown reason I have been unable to eat much and when i do it hurts.
I think its nothing but stress but the docs and specialists have insisted on having a look inside me.
Im sure they will find nothing but scars and an old ulcer that is a direct result over the worry I had over James..How could my body not react to such a thing.
Ive had shingles,whooping cough,shortness of breath blah blah...
Mentally Im in a good place and Im positive I will be fine.:)
Ive taken a course of herbal stuff from on of my dearest sisters and Im sure its working...I have prayed and sung and tried to keep my head in a good space.
But if you have a moment,Id be grateful for any good vibes and prayers sent my way:)

posted by butterflies @ 10:33 PM 4 comments

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