I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Memories are made of love.

A couple of years ago me and James came to New Zealand for a month to see my family and for James to see my beautiful homeland.We went for a trip with Jake to see my friend Robbie in Napier.On the way we stopped at Lake Taupo and had lunch and took a break from driving..Jake took this pic of us and Ive always loved it.James did have cancer there and does look a bit sick but we were so pleased that wed been able to make it that far.
We all went down to the beach and spent time on the rocks.James came across a dog and played with him.Then Robbie joined in and they had a great time..we never did find out where the dog came from.
We have got some wonderful memories and weve had a great time together.Playing,loving laughing,riding,meeting new ppl..
But as Polar says..its not over til the fat lady sings...Hah,she didnt exactly say that but thsts what she meant.Life is still going on..filled with music and love and good friends.WE still get lots of visitors and its wonderful for me to have company as James sleeps away the days and nights...hes awake from 3pm to 9pm..or later if Deadwood is on;)
Weve been having great ph calls from all over the world,even my Japanese friends and the nieces and nephews in Europe email...
Hospice says that the tumors are spreading into James throat and his voice is husky(sexy?) but hes still eating bits and pieces(mainly icecream and cookies) but hes alive and Im thankful for that.SO today is a good day:)
(I havent been blogging much cos Ive been too sad but today is GOOD)
Thanks for the emails and comments..keep them coming cos I love hearing from you all:)

posted by butterflies @ 3:35 PM 4 comments

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Peaceful wait

Our home is very peaceful.James now has a lovely soft,comfy bed in the lounge,with lots of pillows.He sleeps most of the day,waking around 3 pm to drink 2 pots of coffee and eat cookies and icecream...then he reads magazines which everyone brings to him..Time magazines,bike mags,anything..
Its nice to have him out here with me instead of shut away in the bedroom.OUt here he can see the birds in the tree outside the window,he can smell me baking his favourite sultana cakes and dinner and I even give him the laundry to fold...hes got to be useful;)
On monday he wanted to go for a drive so we went to Mums for lunch.Its the first time weve been out for 2 weeks.At the farm were beautiful little baby black lambs dancing around their mothers and skipping in the sun!(wish Id taken the camera).Mum took one of the lambs to church on Sunday for Harvest festival! Mum was thrilled to have us at her place and showed us all kinds of things.James Mum had sent her some lovely windchimes for her deck and shes bought herself a birdbath.
Mum keeps telling me that I need to get out..go somewhere and she will mind James.But I dont want to leave him,not for a minute.I know she means well but I wish shed stop nagging me about it! Im happy at home and content to just be with my lover while he sleeps,while he dreams.
I am not sad.Im so honored to be able to share this time with James.To be here for him while he makes his transistion.Even just moving to a bed in the lounge took a bit of adjusting for him and he realised another step has been taken in the journey.
Friends call in and make us laugh.I have a couple glasses of red wine at night and life is good.
Cori is happy as in NY..shes been to Abercrombie and Hollisters(her favourite shops).Shes not too happy about her school subjects but she loves being with Angie.

Everything is falling into place and I feel as if I can trust God to help us through this process.We have peace and we can see good things amongst the bad..
We listen to music and spend time just looking at each other,feasting with our eyes as if it will soon be gone...we wait with love.

posted by butterflies @ 10:10 AM 10 comments

Monday, August 14, 2006


Yesterday someone asked James..*How much time did they give you?*
He replied..* None,I TOOK it *
I laughed:)
Hes so cute!

posted by butterflies @ 12:16 PM 15 comments

Saturday, August 12, 2006


Cori arrived safely in the States and is now in the loving care of her Aunty,Uncle and cousin in Sacramento..she rang me this morning.The trip was horrible she said..plane was packed full with no chance of a spare seat to stretch out on.But the food was good!Security was tight and the airport was buzzing with extra personal but that makes us all feel safe and Im glad of it.
It was a long 12 hour flight and Cori did sound tired but she was happy to have been taken to a Mexican resturant on the way home:)..she was sitting in the warm sun and is glad to be away from the rainy winter here.
James actually got dressed today and hes sitting watching TV.He feels so happy that hes got Cori safely home and he can rest now.
We love you kid..may God bless and keep you.

posted by butterflies @ 2:30 PM 4 comments

Friday, August 11, 2006


I am forever amazed at the thoughtfulness shown to us from others..Today we got a lovely parcel from Sandy
.Shes getting married next month so she sent us a wee part of her wedding.I love the pink leis and put them straight on.She sent me Burts Bees lip balm and lipgloss and hand cream and a cool Harley Mug for James!! Thank you Sandy SO much..it made our day and we love you.
Its a big day for us today....our daughter Cori is flying to SanFrancisco to her Aunty who very generously paid her fare(Thanks forever Diane!) and then she flys on to New York to live with her sister Angie (love you Ange).Its a sad day but happy too.This is what James wants and hes at peace now knowing that his daughter will be safe and sound and will be with her other family.We will not say goodbye,but we will say..see you again kid:)
Its a bit of a concern with the airlines stopping all traffic out of Heathrow and stupid bloody terrorists threatening lives again but its safe to fly out of New Zealand and we trust God to keep Cori safe til she lands.
I hope that all of you KNOW..I mean really KNOW...just how much your love and support and comfort means to James and I..I dont know how I would get through all this without all of you,my friends and my family...thankyou again and I love you!!

posted by butterflies @ 1:25 PM 7 comments

Monday, August 07, 2006

Shine On Crazy Diamond...

My sweet baby James is on bed rest now.He had a bad weekend and his pain levels tripled..hospice have told us now that if he cant get in control of his pain then he will have to have a pain pump so hes moving onto the next stage now.
Hes happy in bed,then wakes and moves onto the sofa and sleeps peacefully while life carries on around him..last night we all watched The Worlds Fastest Indian again and he really enjoyed that...he even laughed out loud.
We are at peace,amazing gentle peace.We have each other,we have wonderful support and kind friends all ready to help to do anything necessary..Ezzie made James a chocolate cake on the weekend and he ate some..and a small piece of steak too..
He looks very ill now tho and even Mum got a shock and it was only a week since she saw him..time marches on.
But we remember our dear friend Dave and how happy he was in his home,in his bed,with his mum and sister taking care of him,smoking a joint when he needed to and listening to all his favourite sounds and watching his shows on TV.
Me and James are happy.We dont want pity...we are so lucky that we have each other.We feel so thankful that we can still lie in each others arms..cuddling and kissing.James drifts away a lot and his dreamland is full of lightness and color.
Sometimes he says hes had a good trip;)...better than the old acid days..heh.
Now Im at home and will not leave his side.Others have stepped in to do the shopping,Jakes always here to talk and keep me company and Rex bought the Pink Floyd in concert for James so we have that playing a lot.Music is important and it feeds the soul.Johnny Cash is a frequent visitor too..
Theres a feeling of spring in the air..I have daffodils out and tulips coming out..daphne and magnolias.I feel good and strong.My lover is with me and its all good..it was the best decision to come back to New Zealand where life is easy.

posted by butterflies @ 11:41 AM 10 comments

Friday, August 04, 2006


As you all know,James loves his coffee. And it has to be perfect as he drinks 3 pots a day.(he swears thats what keeps him alive)..Today we got a great parcel from our dear friends Sleepless and Phil..all the way from the States.Inside were 2 bags of coffee and a really funny card that said WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE JAMES!!!
It was so cute and so thoughtful of them.Weve been so lucky to have great friends and family that keep up a regular supply for us (THANKS SLEEPLESS:))
The care packages we recieve are more treasured than gold.We hold the parcel,reluctant to open them...then the joy of recieving something that someone has prepared so thoughtfully and with such love is wonderful..I can almost feel their fingerprints as they tape the parcels up and the feeling is like a warm strong hug.
The mailman toots his horn when theres a parcel and I race out to get it and he laughs at me cos Im so eager and excited..like a kid!
I was the same when I was in the States and ppl from here sent me gifts and magazines that I couldnt get there..I love that ppl care and think of us:)
And I got another great thrill to find out that a good friend from Oklahoma has gotten a job here and will move over in August.Shes got a job working for the university doing cancer research and we will be able to see each other all the time.(and dont you just KNOW I will have a list of little things I need from Walgreens for her to bring me..LOL) We dont have Walgreens or Walmart here,thank goodness and we still have many family owned shops.
Its friday here and I feel happy today.James is OK and sleeping on the sofa..Im in love and Im so thankful and grateful for what I have and for the love you all give us:)..It makes the bad days so much better.
Oh and my grandsons coming:) YAY

posted by butterflies @ 4:09 PM 6 comments

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


At the moment we have 6 lovely cows.They are due to give birth on the next full moon.They are young friesian milking cows,black and white and one jersey cow.They are so soft and warm.On cold mornings they lick each other and all stand together when theres a cold wind and protect each other.I love to watch them.Their bellies are swelling day by day and they make soft mooing noises when they see me coming with some bread to feed them...Im happy to have these milking cows cos the worst part about raising stock is when they have to go off to the freezing works and I hear them being herded onto the truck and hear their fear..Im not into that so now the stockbroker knows to just give me cows that are allowed to live.Ive past naming them cos thats sad.
Im getting so excited at the thought of little calves and they will be born next week.Cows are such good mothers.They lick their babies and warm them with their breath.They are patient and dont get angry with their off spring.They are full of love.Its so nice to watch the cycle of life happening around me.

posted by butterflies @ 10:40 AM 23 comments

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