I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Sunday, December 31, 2006

New Years Eve

This is Hamilton City,New Zealand..15mins away from where we live in the country.Its a pretty town with a huge river running through the centre so that wherever you want to go you have to keep crossing the river over lovely old bridges..I love Hamilton.The ppl are friendly and theres not the big city feel to it.

Tonight is New Years Eve.The last day of 2006.Its not a time to look back.Im looking ahead.Whatever God has in store for us,we accept.Whatever happens God will be with us.He has never let me down.He continues to love us.
Tonight as I sip my merlot,I drink a toast to everyone:) Happy New Year and cheers:)

posted by butterflies @ 6:21 PM 9 comments

Friday, December 29, 2006

The time between...

Im thinking that the time between xmas and new year is a strange time.Everyone is tired and sleepy.The years almost ended and the next one hasnt begun.Its a time to relax and see friends and go for walks to get rid of all the weight gathered from the xmas table..Its been lovely to have friends call and family stopping by but everyones exhausted and most ppl we know are heading off to the beach to go camping..a wonderful time of mossies biting,food full of sand,ablution blocks..YUK! its not for me.

posted by butterflies @ 9:43 PM 3 comments

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas:)

Today we celebrate the birth of Christ..the Saviour who came to earth and lived as a man so that he could die for our sins.His LIFE was our example of how to live ours.A life of love,hope,faith,endurance and honour.Thankyou Lord for saving us.
Its also my sisters birthday.She was born on Christmas Eve and lived for 8 years.Today I will celebrate her life too.
Merry Christmas everyone from me and from James.:)

posted by butterflies @ 10:30 AM 3 comments

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A Very Good Year

Its almost Christmas time again..another year has passed.Yesterday one of the hospice nurses said to me "oh youve had a hard year" but I replied "no its been wonderful"...she looked at me a bit as if I was mad..
But it HAS been a great year.Yes,its been full of ups and downs but thats just life.Its been amazing.Me and James have gotten through another year together.My son has come home,at least to rest his tired bones and recoup,my mother got her new house,the kid got safely to her sisters home,the weather has been good and our money lasts from the beginning of the mth to the end;)(just)
I have met some beautiful new blogger friends.These ppl come over to say hi,leave wonderful comments that even in my darkest hours,will give me such a feeling of being loved..And me and Chana have even corresponded snail mail also..heh
I realsied that its so much easier to see bad things than good.I hate it when Im negative and all I want is to see and live the goodness..in the light.James is one of the most positive ppl Ive ever met.He never gets down! Never! When we were told he had cancer,he said,it could be worse....
I was in complete agreement with him about not having any treatment and in fact hospice even say that hes lived this long because he didnt have treatment which is full of toxins and poisons..Weve dont the right thing and have no regrets.Its all good...
Yesterday we recieved a huge food parcel! We were nominated by the Melville Methodist church and the main church in town delivered it from their food bank.
It was filled with chocolates for the kids,lots of can foods,xmas mince pies,plum puddings,chippies and dips,and all kinds of yummy things.I would never have bought any of these things and now it will be nice to share them with friends who call in.
James sister sent him a date loaf ..hand baked and all the way from California:)
The emphasis seems to be on food at xmas..a turkey,a leg of lamb,a leg of ham(thanks Mum) and heaps of salads.
Today I will put up some lights,gentle little ones that twinkle.Im putting them around the window by James lounge bed.We can lie together under them and feel Christmasy...Theres no room in the cottage for a tree so lights will have to do..Ive made a collage photo board with all our favourite pics from our life together in OKC.
Its happy loving memories.Im so happy.I have my lover and hes kind and good to me.
He still sees beauty.Id like to be playing some carols when Jake comes over(cos he hates them;)
My tomato plants are thigh high covered in fruit..yesterday I planted statice,begonias and more sunflowers for James.Im so pleased with my garden.The "remember me" rose is stunning!Its got burnt orange flower buds all over it and my "sunny hunny" is pale orange also covered in buds.What could be better?

posted by butterflies @ 10:18 AM 6 comments

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Happy Birthday Baby

Happy birthday sweet baby James!!!
SEE I told you youd make it!
I love you forever and ever..youre my sunshine:)

posted by butterflies @ 11:30 AM 12 comments

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

This and That

The one thing we both miss the most is riding around on our harley.We rode winter and summer,except when it was snowing.James is a great rider..hes been riding since he was very young.It was his life.Similary I grew up on bikes too.My mates all rode and I had my own triumph.The brotherhood/sisterhood is something that no-one can explain.If you break down someone will always give a hand,if you need anything,there will be someone ready to assist.Harley owners are staunch.They have strength and love for each other.Nothing much fazes them.When the first doc told us James had cancer he said ...now go and RIDE! When we told someone else she said arent you scared..James said if we were scared we wouldnt ride! Fear just doesnt come into it.
Its never been a part of US.I made 6 trips to the States at the express concern of my doc because its dangerous to fly with a deep vein thrombosis...but I made it.
Me and James have made it:) He has 3 days til his 53rd birthday which no-one ever said he would make.We dont believe doctors,lawyers,or astrologists.We only believe God.He has never let us down.His love surrounds us.It nurtures us.Our friends help us and our families take care of us.We got a wonderful parcel of goodies from Diane and Danny and more from friends over here.The postman continues to toot the horn when something arrives.Its almost Christmas and its exciting.The only problem is that I cant get out to buy anyone presents cos I cant leave James,but next week I may let Mum mind him while I go looking for some things.We are really happy..insanely so.Yesterday our palliative care doctor bought his new registrar out to meet us.Her name is Anna.Shes young and pretty and sweet.Its nice to see new ppl in our lives.Im going to plant some begonias and some more marigolds.The sunflowers are getting big..they are James favourite.
We had a friend come over from Japan to stay.He bought us some cool things.Shirts for Jake,Japanese coffee for James and some Gucci Rush2 perfume for me.Its exciting:)

posted by butterflies @ 2:05 PM 4 comments

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Together forever

My best friend Robbie came to see us on thursday.She is also my sons Godmother.
She came to see me and James and of course Jake.
She bought nice munchies and wine and a present for us.Mine was a garden plaque that says "she who plants a garden plants happiness" and some lovely smellies..She bought James an All Black (our international rugby team)Santa..hes sitting on our TV just by James lounge bed.
Her and I walked the paddocks with Red Dog and we talked and talked.She helps me so much.Because shes known me since we were 15 she can predict how I will react to things.She tells me Im doing really well with James.She was shocked at the sight of him.Hes so thin now and frail.He doesnt talk much,spends most days reading and sleeping and when hes awake,he eats icecream.He looks at me across the room with a smile that melts my heart.He holds my hands and we cuddle together in his bed.His hands and feet are freezing cold even tho its warm here now.
As Robbie was leaving she went to spend some time with james,which left both of them crying.She told him that he had made me happier than anyone ever had..she said he had given me life and that she would always have my back,whatever happens.
I have that knowledge...just as I had hers when her 16yr old son drowned in a lake.Weve been through so much together.Weve both lost sisters too.We have a bond that is unbreakable..a strength that is beyond understanding.
Shes a marriage celebrant and a funeral director and a deaf interpreter.She runs a staff that manages lives of disabled ppl.
James loves her.He told me that hed never known anyone to have a better friend and hes so pleased to know that when the time comes,she will be there.
Just as all my wonderful blogger friends are.We are family. Thankyou.

posted by butterflies @ 10:35 AM 8 comments

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

our Moon

One night we were lying in bed and James said to me "what can I give you Baby? Id give you the earth if I could"..I looked out the window and saw a beautiful moon.
I said "Id rather have the moon" He said "its yours Baby"

Every full moon is OURS..Tonight In New Zealand we have a full moon..my wonderful son Jake ..www.simiankingdom.com went out and took this pic for me.
I love my son and I love my Man and I love my God who created this moon.

posted by butterflies @ 11:34 PM 11 comments

Monday, December 04, 2006


I was thinking yesterday about some of the sayings that I grew up with.
My father would always say "the world is your oyster" (For years I never knew what that even meant)
My Godmother would always say "women in green should never be seen"
A close friend would always quote "in every crisis theres an oportunity"
My Grandmother " Time is always on your side" (She lived til 103yrs old!)
My teacher in highschool "its never too late"...
These sayings have stayed with me and come up in my mind often.
Do you remember any sayings that come back to you??

posted by butterflies @ 11:04 AM 10 comments

Friday, December 01, 2006

Long Hard week

Thank goodness the weekend is almost here.Its been a shit of a week.Its rained cold and sleety..its cold for summer and Ive had some argueing with someone very close to me.Im feeling quite insecure and unsafe... (dont know if they are the right words or not)..My James is still wonderful and supportive and kind and still folds the laundry;) My Jacob still does my shopping and whistles as he walks through the door..The nurses are kind and understanding.But I am at a shaky place.A place where I need some re assureance about something important to me,and the persons not willing to give it.Ive been trying to plan my future..but I cant! And I know its silly to try and take care of things.All I can do now is live one day at a time..loving and caring for James.What I need really doesnt matter.All that is important is him.He is trying to help me and we have most things set in place,legally and in truth.Im being a worrier and I hate it!!!

posted by butterflies @ 10:27 AM 6 comments

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