I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Thursday, September 28, 2006

James and a very happy dog

Red dog has a very good friend.They care about each other.When James is not feeling good,Red dog lies on him...she would hop on his bed if she was allowed(by me..James would let her)..

posted by butterflies @ 4:32 PM 16 comments

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

My James Garden

For the last 3 days I have been creating my James garden.
I have planted in it 3 roses...Remember Me,Sunny Hunny,and Dublin Bay. I have developed a need for all things orange or yellow and of course white(which is purity).I have planted heaps of annuals too..marigolds,larkspurs,petunias,alyssum,antirinums,primroses,impatients,and lavenders...the purple looks so good with the peach and yellows.
Now I have to sit back and wait for it to grow.Its going to be beautiful and James can see it from his bed in the lounge.He can see the fish pond he made and the bird feeder in the olive tree outside the window.He can see LIFE.In the late afternoons we lie on the bed together and watch the waxeyes coming into feed.Theres baby birds hatching and they are so noisy! From the bes we can also watch the guys coming and going from the garage..Rx is building a 47 chev hotrod and he started it up on the weekend..It roared into life as the big V8 thumped and groaned.Luke mows our lawns for us and Jake does our shopping.We are all quite content.I cook the evening meal and try to have a nive cake baked too for after dinner coffee.Everyone appreciates the coffee Diane sends us..oh and she sent me a great top that fits me and doesnt show off my jelly..(I would employ her as my personal dresser cos she always knows exactly what to buy!).
We are LIVING each day with cancer,not dying from it.James still loves on me and tells me Im the most beautiful creature on earth(til I pointed out the darling baby birds)..Now we wait as God sends rain and sun to make my garden grow:)

posted by butterflies @ 9:30 AM 5 comments

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Car

When I was a kid we all walked to school..rain hail or shine.On frosty days we would break the ice in the puddles.On foggy damp Waikato days we couldnt even see our letterbox from the lounge..But on the way to school we met up with friends and stopped at the shop to get a bag of potato chips...and on the way home it was my job to pick up the bread.In those days bread was not sliced and there was a join in the middle tho not cut right through.I used to open it and pick out the fresh soft white bread from the centre and was even prepared to suffer the consequences when I got home.
After a few years my parents got their first car.I think my father had it given to him! (He was a service manager at a large mechanics workshop)...My mother would try and take us to school in this car.I remember being so embarrassed that I would hide on the floor and make her park down the road so no-one could see me..Then I decided that I would rather walk and get soaking wet than be seen in it..when I talk to my brothers about the car now,they cant remember it!!
Nowadays I couldnt care less what ppl think of me.But then it mattered.

posted by butterflies @ 10:46 AM 9 comments

Sunday, September 17, 2006


My Mother grew up in a small fishing village and her father was a fisherman.He would go out on these small boats and sometimes would be gone for 2 weeks at a time.When we would go and stay with Pop in the holidays we would go out on the boat...way,way out into the middle of the ocean with no land in sight..I was scared but I trusted my Pop to keep me safe.
Much the same way I now trust God to keep me safe.I have been a Christian since I was 11 and was saved at a Billy Graham convention.Although bad things happened to me I always knew that God was with me.I always knew that He loved me and that He forgave me.I dont consider myself to be religious but I know that God is my father and Jesus died for my sins.I have never doubted it for one second.
If I didnt believe what would I have?? Nothing!
All the money in the world does not make ppl happy.The only thing we have is our health and our love and money cant buy those things.
My faith gets me through..
If He brings us to it
He will bring us though it.
(thanks Jean for this morning,it was lovely talking with you)

posted by butterflies @ 12:06 PM 8 comments

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Its a warm spring day.No-one looking from the outside would know that theres anything wrong.And,really theres not except that our lives together on earth will come to an end..soon. Today James asked the doc if he would make it to his birthday on dec 16th..Des looked very gently at him and said You might.
Thats only 3 mths.
I want to scream! But I dont want to disturb the peace we have.I am so in love and so is James.We have come to a different level.We look at each other and know what were thinking.
I raced into a shop on the way to the hospital and James sat in the car.I wanted some spring clothes..a couple of tees and some tops.I grabbed some and hurried out to the car.We went up to the hospital and found a park right by the door..thank God.
The doc told us not to come again and he will come out to us.Hes a lovely man and so kind.James jokes with him and we dont cry.
When we got home I tried the clothes on and I look revolting!! I hate all of them and will take them all back! Oh well..I spose I cant think straight.Its ok.I was trying for some retail therapy but my body has turned to jelly since Ive been sitting round with James.
We posted a couple of pre xmas presents today to James Mum and sister.He chose them and he wanted them posted right then.
Its a good day and James has just asked me to marry him (again)..I said NO (again).
(we got married already)
The day we met was 911...5 years ago yesterday.I went online to extend my sympathies to my American friends and through other people I met James.We fell in love.And weve never stopped loving.Its all good and its in Gods plan.

posted by butterflies @ 3:59 PM 20 comments

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Hello old friend

When I first met James and went to live with him,we lived in an apartment.I had never lived in one before.It was a block of apts and we lived on the bottom with one neighbour next door.I soon found out what a breezeway was having never heard the word before.Every day I would go for a walk to help my legs and to stop me going crazy cooped up..(I have lived on a farm with no neighbours for years before that).So one day I asked the chick next door if shed like to go for a walk with me.She said *are you CRAZY! someone might shoot you!!* well...it never occured to me.So I got some good mace.Then I asked her again.In no time we were walking every day,around the streets with no footpaths,down DEAD END streets(we call them cul de sacs) and we got to know each other really well.She was not the type to stay and yak all day and neither was I.But we would have some nice iced tea in summer and hurry back to our warm places in winter.
She was a very hard worker and had a very good job at the hospital doing some kind of research.I started up a neighbourhood watch programme as there wasnt one and I had Joanne help me.The drug dealers didnt like me but I told them I didnt care what they did in their own home but dont bring their crap outside.The place was buzzing with ppl and there were a few other bikers too.I broke up quite a few fights and rang the cops a few times about kids carrying guns etc..but I enjoyed it.If I wanted to talk to someone I just stepped outside into the breezeway and said hello to whoever walked past.Or I would go and talk to ppl at the pool or the laundrette.
Everyone knew who the crazy kiwi lady was and not to mess with me.I was never afraid of anyone or anything.I loved the kids and they all came to see me.I made a garden outside our window and planted it each season ...our breezeway was filled with plants in big pots.Kids used to pick the flowers and I told them they were welcome.They couldnt believe they were allowed!
Eventually the apts went to shit with bad management so Joanne moved out into a little house..We still went walking.Then we came to NZ for a mth holiday and when we went back we moved into a DUPLEX. That was another word Id never heard of.Of course we still went walking,this time around the lake and it was much nicer.I looked forward to our walks and our talks...we shared so much.I told her everything and always felt so safe with her.
Then we moved to NZ.When we left we said wed never say goodbye to each other,but we said*see you again soon*
And this weekend she came to our house!! Shes got a great job in NZ and very bravely made her way alone across the world.I am so proud of her and it was so wonderful to see her again.She cut James hair and we walked over the paddocks.It was so nice.
It confirmed to me that the ppl we meet and love will always be in our lives.And it was with real joy that I could say to her..*hello old friend*:)

posted by butterflies @ 3:53 PM 20 comments

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Out of the mouths of babes.

Ezzie,grandson, (8yrs) was lying on the bed with James last night..talking away.
He said to James *you and my nannie and my dad are lovers*
I thought about it for a second and I said to him..*whats a lover?*
He said You KNOW..people who love:)

posted by butterflies @ 2:30 PM 4 comments

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