I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Applebees yeah:)

Last night we went on our usual Friday night Date to Applebees.Danny met us there and Mike and Elaine turned up too..We had our lovely barman Aaron who is now helped by the sweet Tara.I had STEAK!!! Once a mth or so,I feel as if I need some meat and mashed potatoes.Its delicious there and cooked exactly to my directions.I usually have oriental chicken salad and have been replacing the chicken with shrimp on skewers.Thats wonderful.Every now and then we will indulge in a Blondie...OMG they are SO good and so damn fattening.But they are orgasmic...
We came home early cos the rugrat had a friend to stay the night.After much giggling and noise,the quietened down and watched movies.I lay on the bed with the girls and we shared some stories..some of my childhood and some of theirs.At 2.30am I had to go and tell them to be quiet again so they didnt wake James.But after a pizza and a 2 ltre of coke,it was hard for them to do:)
We have some buyers for the harley.Some have suggested keeping her until James *goes into remission* but hes never had any treatment so there is no remission.
Hes strong and healthy apart from his cancer and the rate of survival for his type of NHL lymphoma is almost non-existant.He was already stage 4 when he was diagnosed.
Tonight we are going to hear another of our favourite bands..Miss Amy ..shes always fun and most of our friends will be there too.The kids gone to her grandmas for the night so we will celebrate with you know what;)Cheers.

posted by butterflies @ 9:42 AM 3 comments

Friday, March 25, 2005

Quality of Life

What does this mean? Quality of life? Ive been thinking about it for a few days now and am still wondering what it is.Does it mean that you are happy? have all your body functions? can walk/talk/communicate?.
For me my quality of life is determined by what I can do ...not what I cant do.As long as I can feel and breathe and comprehend I have life.If I can go outside to hear the birds singing,if I can sit on the grass and watch ants working,if I can feel a kiss on my cheek,if I can smile and laugh,if I can read,if I can love and if I can understand my environment I have quailty of life.
I have 2 paralysed friends.One who feels nothing from the waist down and one who can only feel from his neck up.Both were injured in motorbike accidents.They have been in wheelchairs for almost 30 yrs.Of course they cant run,they cant feel their feet and its been a hard road for them,but they are happy guys ...they laugh,they search the net,they watch TV,they go to parties,they have lots of support from friends and family and they give so much to all of us.Weve learned humilty from them.
Terri Shciavo has none of these things.She cant talk or feel.She cant understand.
I pray for her every day and hope that God will take her home very soon.But her purpose on this earth has been to make us all talk and question what we would want for ourselves.Its made us all think about what we can live with and about how much of what has been taken off us that we can cope with.She has had a strong will to live but she doesnt know it.Shes been kept alive with no quality of life.Her choice was that if she ever was to get into the situation where she was brain dead she would not want life support.I dont either.It has to be a personal decision and not one to be made by any govt.We should all have the last call.OUr bodies are ours.

posted by butterflies @ 6:02 AM 4 comments

Monday, March 21, 2005

Reluctant Decision

It is with great reluctance and a good deal of thought,that we have decided to sell our precious Harley.We went for a ride today and altho it was wonderful to be out in the wind,I quickly realised that James was not riding well.He was not concentrating as well,his instincts were slower and his strength was not as it was.
We have had 3 superb years of riding together and the memories will be with us forever.But James is beginning to get more tired.His energy levels are waning.Hes still healthy but the thing about lymphoma is that it gives enormous fatigue.Cancer is not going to spoil our lives but we must learn to live within the boundries of the disease.
So we will sell our baby.But she will be bought by someone who will love and respect her as much as we do.It will give me more money to use to buy a car in NZ and we will save the cost of shipping her to NZ.
Its not a sad day...just the end of one chapter.Theres another chapter ready to open in front of us.We will always be bikers and James will always be scooter trash.Its in the blood and nothing to do with whether you have a bike or not.We will be eternally in the wind:)

posted by butterflies @ 11:10 AM 7 comments

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Terri Schiavo

Terri has been in a PVA...persistant vegetative state for 15 yrs.
She is being kept alive by a feeding tube and has been all this time.
She is not in a coma.Many ppl do come out of comas(thats a completley different thing) but no-one can have
quality of life with a feeding tube and brain damage.She has no hope of recovery.She told her husband that she never wanted to be kept alive artificially.The courts have been arguing this case for all this time.They decided last year to take the tube out and then stuck it back in again.
Her parents dont want the tube taken out.Of course they dont.But 30 yrs ago I had to make the choice,along with my family,to remove the ventilator from my sister who had been hit by a car.She had massive brain damage,just as Terri does.
Being kept alive is cruel.At some stage we all have to accept death.We all have the right to live and the right to die....Im praying that Terris tube is taken out and that God takes her home.Really...what is death? Is it when your brain dies? Is it when your body dies.

posted by butterflies @ 7:59 AM 3 comments

My real Japanese Name

My Japanese name is

My japanese name is 川添 Kawazoe (riverside) 美晴 Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.


I got this from James
Go and find out what your name is:)

posted by butterflies @ 6:17 AM 0 comments

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Back to Scott Peterson

Scott Peterson was sentenced to death today for the murder of his wife and unborn son.It was a case that I have watched since I came here in 2002.Hes a cold person and has expressed no remorse.Even during the sentencing he took no notice of what Lacis mother and brother had to say,hes a nutter with no feelings.
He will never be put to death tho cos California has over 600 ppl sitting on death row and they only kill maybe 1 person a year.
Even tho hes committed this heinous crime Im still opposed to the death sentence.
Its seems barbaric and archaic for the 21st century.I think that killers should sit in their cells for 23 hrs a day,only let out for a shower and some exersize tho they should never be allowed to see or feel the sunshine or hears birds singing.
James points out to me that its impossible as theres not enough man power to oversee all the prisoners but if they are in their cell what is needed to watch over them.I dont care if they commit suicide.I dont care if another inmate kills them.Leave them to their own fate I say.

posted by butterflies @ 8:23 AM 7 comments

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Butterflys back:)

My wonderful friend Quietus
has fixed my blog up a bit and at least I have my blue butterfly back again.
In a few days I will have my links up but I dont know how to do them so I have to leave that to him too!! Im so blog illiterate!! When we get home to New Zealand I will sit down with Quietus and he can teach me:)
Until then ...I will plod on as usual writing all kinds of shit and probably not always making sense but hey....too bad!!

posted by butterflies @ 2:37 PM 2 comments

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Disarm America

Its time to disarm America.
I always thought that it was the right of the citizen to bear arms.
But Ive changed my mind since the shootings in Atlanta Georgia.
The prisoner who was up on a rape charge grabbed the gun off the 5 ft 2 female guard who was escorting him to court.He shot her(she hasnt died yet) Then he shot the Judge and his court clerk.Killed them both.Then he escaped and on his way to taking a hostage,he killed a federal agent(bad move). The hostage came home from work and unlocked her door and met the killer who put a gun to her head and held her hostage for 12 hrs.
While he was there she read to him from the bible and another book called The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren.She said the next day that she felt God was inside her directing her path.She told the guy *dont kill me cos my daughter will be an orphan*.4 yrs ago her husband was stabbed and killed. OK he was stabbed but the violence is everywhere...its an angry society. She managed to talk the killer into giving himself up. Tonight on the news theres a man about to be executed for shooting and killing his wife and daughter.
If there werent so many damned guns,people woudnt be killing each other. I am of the firm belief that it is guns who kill people not guns.I actually love guns. I love their hardness,their strength,their power.
But the general citizen doesnt need to be armed and guards escorting prisoners
should not be armed unless there are enough guards to take down him/them down if necessary.
If we need to be armed in our own homes its a sad angry society. I dont want to have to shoot someone who comes through the door but if hes going to hurt me or my family and I have a gun close to hand,then I guess Id shoot him. But Id rather have a guard dog who knows his job and keeps me safe. My point is I spose,that if guns were not so easily available(you can buy them anywhere...even Walmart!)there would not be so many killings.
Innocent ppl would not die.

In New Zealand,we ar NOT armed and we dont have any where the shootings that are here in America.OUr cops are not armed unless its the Armed Offenders Squad.We have the occasional shootings of one nutter who goes off...usually fueled by the dreadful crank that is sweeping our shores...
Drugs and guns seem to go together in the US.
Im glad Im leaving:)

posted by butterflies @ 4:53 PM 4 comments

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Watermelon Slim

Last night we went and heard Watermelon Slim play.
They are a rock/blues band.I loved it and it made me laugh and smile once again. It sure took my mind off my worries.We talked with friends and I had a couple of merlots.I really enjoyed myself. Wouldnt it be good if every day could be like that.

posted by butterflies @ 9:58 AM 1 comments

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Reflections

Yesterday was 4 years since my precious Dad died.I miss him so much. He was a funny and kind man.He would do anything for anyone. We all adored him and when he died,all of the family was there holding him and loving him. Theres a funny side to this too.He was dying of cancer and in the last week was in and out of a induced coma.He woke up one day unexpectedly and my Mum told him that *he better NOT die on her birthday* which was the 12th. He complied and died on the 11th! I loved him for that and it stopped Mum having to have a sad birthday every year. My parents were married for 50 years and fought and loved the whole time. They were equals.They stood up to each other.But they loved and respected each other.My Dad bragged about Mums good cooking.She bragged about how he could fix anything....they raised 4 children
They lost a child and lived through it.My sister was run over on the road when she was 8 and she lived for 2 weeks in a coma til we had to make the choice to take her off life support.That was one of the hardest decisions of my life. But we made it together,as a family...as we always do. Today my mother is 76.Shes travelled the world.Last year she went to Japan for the 8th time to a friends wedding and she was the guest of honor. Shes a strong woman and shes funny.Shes getting a bit ditzy,not in a senile way but in a *wheres my purse/car keys/camera/* sort of way. I love her...happy birthday Mum.

posted by butterflies @ 7:38 AM 2 comments

Friday, March 11, 2005

Micheal jackson

The *so called* king of pop arrived an hour and a half late to court today dressed in his pyjamas!! He said he has a bad back but the judge wouldnt even consider talking to his doctor. MJ is such an ego tripper and I hope hes found guilty.
He took advantage of a young boy,sexually or emotionally. It doesnt matter to me which it was.The kid was sick and recovering from cancer and he should not have had to go through all this.

posted by butterflies @ 8:33 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The thing that Im running on at the moment is faith. I dont know how I manage to stay so strong except to say that I have my fathers and my sisters and my ultra strong grandmother that keeps me going. And my mother who talks to me every day online.Shes turning 76 on the 12th and my son is turning...umm maybe he wont want me to tell, on the 30th.They keep me going. My man.Hes strong,hes (a bit too)agressive at times..hes intelligent. He holds me when I cry.He brings me roses...hes makes beautiful love to me.
But we have so much to overcome til we leave here.We still dont have all our airfares,but we have enough to ship the harley:) We have to go to court to get a judges permission to take the kid out of the country even tho her mother hasnt seen her for 3 yrs and never paid child support.
Im sick now.Sore tummy,sore legs,headache...all manifestations of stress. But with faith we will do it all...God will provide as my mother would say.

posted by butterflies @ 4:36 PM 0 comments

Monday, March 07, 2005

Nice weekend

It was with some sense of relief that we had a nice weekend.Things have been fraught with tension and it was great to relax finally.
We went to Applebees on Friday night and Danny shouted us dinner.James and Danny both have camera phones now so they spent the night taking pics....of everything!
On Saturday night we went to Charlies to hear Big Daddy play for his birthday party.It was nice to see him again and to hear his lovely flute playing.He learnt to play with Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull.The place rocked and we had a good time catching up with friends.
Today has been cruisy too and we did very little except some shopping and sleeping in til noon when the damn ph rang and woke us up!
Then Mum rang me from NZ to tell me about her weekend...my brother and his wife had taken Mum to Gisbourne and Napier,Hastings,Taupo and lastly to Turangi where Mum and Dad had their fishing bach...They went to eat in the resturant where my parents ate after a days fishing.
They are really lovely to do all that for Mum.I appreciate them so much.
I feel happier and more in love and ready to cope again.

posted by butterflies @ 2:37 PM 4 comments

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Newish Blog

Well Ive been having so much hassles with my old blog I decided to move!
Movable Type sucks and Ive been spammed so many times it keeps crashing my blog!
This blog has a boring look to it so far but my great designer Quietus....is going to fix this one
up for me so it looks like mine.
I hope youll continue to visit:)

posted by butterflies @ 8:37 AM 7 comments

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

We have only 3 mths til we move to New Zealand.Theres so much to do!We have to sell all our furniture and *things*…we have to ship the harley to NZ and were getting quotes every day.Its getting stressful.But I know that its the right thing to do and we just have to get organised.James cancer is a worry too even tho I try not to think about it,but its one of the main reasons why we are moving.In America there is no widows benefit.I dont want to be left behind here and have to cope with everything on my own.I need to have my family around me to nurture and love me.I really want the kid to have a new life too.Shes 14 and Im the only one that can raise her.I love her and will always be a good mother to her.I realised today that if it wasnt for me she wouldnt know lots of every day things.She hadnt learned about periods,about general health.She hadnt ever had a mothers love.Her mother didnt even love herself altho shes a very selfish person.But then thats what drug addiction does.I have no second thoughts about leaving here because I know that its the best thing for all of us.James will have a new life with no worries about what will happen to me.He will be able to ride to the beach,the mountains,the city…he will have fun and laugh and we will all make fun of this *loud American* as my Mum calls him.She adores James and loved her time here with us.When we went to NZ last year she laughed at him and told him to shut up cos she couldnt hear the tv.But each morning she got up she made him biscuits and gravy and lots of cookies and cakes.She took him to the Waitomo Caves.They laughed all day.He saw a kiwi bird and he was amazed at the size of them cos he thought they were real small like a chicken.He loved the ppl there and all my friends.He loves to ride on the wrong side of the road! Legally!Coris not that thrilled about having to wear a school uniform but shes looking forward to the kiwi boys;) She will get to surf in the summer and skateboard in the winter.She wont have the same pressures to conform that she has here.Shes very beautiful and also impressionable so I have to keep a close eye on her here.At home I wont feel the same stress about her cos I know the scene.Im so looking forward to being with my son again too.Hes been sounding quite down when I talk to him lately and I worry about him.My grandson will be able to be a part of my life again and spend nights with us.Hes the cutest thing and very clever too.
Oh well…its all going to work out and I have to leave it in Gods hands.His timing is perfect and I have faith:)

posted by butterflies @ 4:18 PM 2 comments

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