I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Raglan on the west coast

Before we bought a few acres in the country this place is where I went to seek solace and peace.I would sit up on this hill for hours getting my thoughts together and wondering what to do about this or that.The sea always helped me to think.
Now all I have to do is look at the picture and I can remember the feelings and how calm it made me.Now its impossible to sit outside for every long in the sun without worrying about getting skin cancer! Life has changed so much since we were kids.
We didnt have to think about global warming or sun exposure or eating bbq meat.We didnt have to worry about anyone kidnappng us or about locking up our houses.
Life has changed so much.Now the kids have to be covered in sunblock,they cant walk up to the shops by themselves and we have to shut the windows at night instead of having fresh air blowing in.
Luke bought his kids a little motorbike today and they love it..theyve all had a go around the paddock.We try everything to make sure the kids are not sitting in front of the TV all day or playing stupid video games.When they come here,they dig huge holes,they help burn the rubbish,they run around the track,they hide from each other in the long grass,they climb trees and they have fun.
We watch them all the time but from a distance..they need to learn to be kids.
They climb up on James hospice bed and use the remote to make the end go up and down and the head up,end down...they vibrate it and they laugh so much.
Weve told them we will have a bbq tonight but its so windy...
Gary was mentioning the weather on his blog and how much its changed..well it has here too...we have huge icebergs floating just off the coast of New Zealand in a never-been-seen before phenomena..The weather is changing and global warming is happening.We are in summer now and its still cold as with a wind thats been here for 2 weeks relentlessly...I like to be able to find a sheltered spot and take my coffee outside.(Thanks Diane..it arrived!!! Love ya)
But..Im thinking..hasnt life changed so much in the last few years or is it just cos Im getting old????

posted by butterflies @ 4:55 PM 6 comments

Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Postman

The postman came today with another parcel to sign for.
He remarked..OH Ive never seen you dressed before!
Im glad no-one overheard;)

posted by butterflies @ 10:57 AM 7 comments

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Kings Message

I said to the man who stood at the Gate of the Years
"Give me Light that I may tread safely into the Unknown"
And he replied
"Go out into the Darkness and put your hand into
the Hand of God
That shall be to you better than Light
and safer than the Known way."

Quoted by His Majesty King GeorgeV1
in his Christmas broadcast.1939

posted by butterflies @ 10:13 AM 4 comments

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Happy Birthday Kid:)

James daughter turned 16 last week..her sister in New York gave her a great birthday party...They are both gorgeous women and I love them dearly.Were so thankful that Ange has stepped up to help raise Cori.
Happy birthday Kid..we love ya:)

posted by butterflies @ 7:25 PM 6 comments

David Darling

This is a pic that was taken at Charlies Biker Bar just before Dave left to go back to his family to be cared for til his death 2 years ago.He was a beautiful best friend that rode with us..everyone wondered about the relaionship between a biker and a cop but we were united by cancer and bikes.In this pic,James looks sicker than Dave! They both had lymphoma and Dave had every treatment available and James had none.
We love you dave.

posted by butterflies @ 9:36 AM 8 comments

A love letter

I lie down each night to go to sleep,always making sure I thank the Lord for you entering my life before closing my eyes.I cherish each touch of your hand,each tone of your voice.You have given me a lifetime of joy and love in such a small timeframe.Thankyou Baby.I love you.James xxx

Every morning when James went to work,he would leave me a note on the coffee table.They are my most treasured possessions.

Last night he said to me"can I go now"...I said.."whenever your ready Baby"
Where there is love,there is no fear.

posted by butterflies @ 8:52 AM 9 comments

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


James is sick today..hes been sick all night with very little sleep for either of us.
Hes got a lot of pain and somethings going wrong with his tummy. Hospice will be here soon to assess the situation.
My concern today is for James family.He has a sister and 4 brothers who love him dearly.They are losing a brother as much as Im losing a husband.They cant visit and I know how hard that is for them so I would ask my friends to pray for them also.And for James 86 yr old Mum..I am so lucky to have been loved by all of them.They accepted me from the very start and I love them so much.But I know how much grief they are all going through...They are a wonderful close and loving family,just as mine are.Me and James are fortunate to have been taught to love from our parents.We learnt to be affectionate.We learnt respect and manners.Whatever we may have gone through in our lives,we had the basic stability of a family who cared...many ppl dont have that.Its been a good ground for us to work from.
So as James gets weak and sick,please think of his family and keep them in your prayers...Thankyou.XX

posted by butterflies @ 9:05 AM 10 comments

Sunday, November 12, 2006


I dont normally talk about politics but I really want to congratulate Nancy Pelosi for her new job as Speaker Of the House.
Her quote "Weve made history,now we need to make progress"
I think thats great...she is now the highest ranked woman in the US..
About time!
Women bring to government a new sense of caring and welfare of the ppl.They dont have the egos of the men and they want to get the job done.
I am a democrat(or a labour party member in NZ)..we have a female primeminister and a female speaker of the house.We pay high taxes but we feed the ppl,no-one is without work(unless they want that)..
I hope with the democrats in power in the US we might see an end to the war in Iraq and they will bring the troops home to their families.Its gone on too long.The troops would be better served guarding the American borders,helping victims of hurricanes,and other natural disasters.
God Bless America.

posted by butterflies @ 10:58 AM 4 comments

Saturday, November 11, 2006

24 hours

We had a lovely 24 hrs with Joanne.I picked her up from the bus and took her out to Mums place for lunch.She thought Mums new place was really beautiful.We had a salmon salad and Mum gave me some mags to read..Then we went to the supermarket and got stuff for dinner and headed out to home.
It was freezing cold and rainy..typical springtime! But we managed to walk the track in the paddock between showers and Red dog ran with joy..Joanne was very tired and SO needed a break from work so she recharged her batteries in the fresh country air.We had a nice dinner and she went off to bed early,grateful of a good nights sleep...the next day she did ALL the vaccuming,here and at the other house! James was pleased to have her here and he showed her his new bible..he has 3 now and he compares the different versions..My brother came out to visit and prayed for us all..hes wonderful and a real gift from God.
Took Jo back to the bus next day and James was able to ride along with me.It was a great 24 hrs:)

posted by butterflies @ 9:21 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


A few years ago,in OKC, just before Xmas,Joanne took me to her work Xmas party.We were in a really huge building on the 82nd floor and I took this pic out the window.I thought the city looked so beautiful like this.Joanne has now moved to New Zealand too and she is coming to stay for a few days tomorrow.Shes always been a good and loyal friend and we love her.
It got me thinking...I could NOT do all this without the support of my friends..People have been so wonderful,sending emails,parcels,cards and letters..Its keeps me going.To have a friend,you must first be a friend.That means giving.My mother always said, *you may not get it back from the person you give to but you will get it from someone* and I always believed her.
Yesterday the doc came for his usual monthly visit..with a new nurse and our hospice nurse.They sorted out James meds and drank American coffee.The doc heard a noise outside and asked if it was a donkey ..I said no..its a bull roaring(he wants some cow nookey).He commented how noisy it is in the countryside!! How funny!
He said he could see a *marked decline* in James and I was like..DUH! of course I see him every day but even I can see it.Hes still beautiful to me tho and cute.
James will be pleased to see Joanne tomorrow and hear another American accent(tho shes from NJ..Hehe)and we look forward to walking the paddocks and talking.
There is always something to look forward to.:)

posted by butterflies @ 9:09 AM 11 comments

Saturday, November 04, 2006

The Ring

James wedding ring fell off last night.When we got to New Zealand,we downsized it.Now its too big again..but being reluctant to remove anymore gold,hes decided that Im to wear it now.Hes lost 45lb..I do the witch thing off Hansel and Gretel and pinch his skin and say..oh your not ready yet;)
He asks me every day to marry him and even tho I have(on June 22nd 2002 at 2.30pm)he told me that he would ask me every day of his life.Mostly I say NO WAY..LOL but when hes very good I say yes.Last night I said yes,yes,yes!!
His liver is very swollen now and the tumor his his chest is very pronounced.His sister calls it his 3rd tit.We laugh about it.
If we dont laugh wed cry...Im cant let myself cry.When I do I get a headache,my shingles comes back and my own pain in my legs is so much more acute.
I have to have joy in my heart to bear this..Each day is a blessing.Each day I love him more than the last.Im wearing his rings now,mine and his..together..forever.

posted by butterflies @ 9:58 AM 12 comments

Friday, November 03, 2006


If you have 'heart'(mana/spirit)you dont need anything else.
It doesnt matter what body you carry around,healthy/sick or disabled..
It doesnt matter how fat or thin,short or tall,blonde or dark you are.
Its unimportant how much money you have,
if you have 'heart' youre rich.

People with 'heart'have spirit.
They are strong.They endure all things.
They are not cold and tough,but rather they have determination and will cry with you if needed.They are there for you through the good and the bad.

Kindness comes from your heart.Your soul lives in your heart.
You are whats in your heart.

posted by butterflies @ 8:40 AM 4 comments

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Catching up

When we first built the cottage,I planted this snowball tree.In winter it loses its leaves letting the sun shine through.As spring comes it forms tiny snowballs which get bigger and bigger until they explode into pure whiteness..last week we had gale force winds that blew the flowers to pieces..all white petals covering everything.
And it made me think.
We all have a time in our lives when we blossom.We shine and glow and everyone knows it and can see it.Thats what happened to me and James.My family saw me fall in love...so much so that I left my country to follow my heart and my love.Then James afmily saw the transformation In him.They saw him reach his potential that they always knew was there.They saw us in love and desperate for each other.They saw us having fun and loving life.
Our friends saw our love.They witnessed what happened when the force of love took hold.We couldnt have stopped it if we tried.
James was talking to his mother the other day and she told him that his father would have been so proud of him now and that meant so much to James.
We hate to be apart even for a minute.Yesterday we fell fast asleep for 2 hrs in the middle of the day.Exhaustion had taken over.But we were wrapped in each other and we cant let go.
Hospice came yesterday.The nurse told James that love is keeping him alive.Ppl can feel lve here and can see it with their eyes.This is love that can and will last a lifetime..I love you James Taylor;)...my sweet baby james..

posted by butterflies @ 9:19 AM 6 comments

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