I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Monday, May 26, 2008


I was taking Willie G for a walk in the park today and we came across another lady with a small white dog.I remarked about how dogs lif their leg until there is nothing left to even pee..
She cracked me up when she said..oh didnt you know??? Its PMail :)
Sounds logical to me!! LOL

posted by butterflies @ 12:48 PM 5 comments

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Taking Care..

My family have been so wonderful to me all through James illness that Im really longing to take care of them again..
For a year I couldnt take my mother to lunch or drive her around to do extremely important things (like ..umm..taking her always broken phone to telecom or picking up some photos shes had developed..etc!)
Because I could hardly leave the house,I missed out on so much that I normally would do for others.It was a year that everyone came to visit ME...But because of that year I left and kept on running until I have finally stopped now,one year later.
Ive always run away..the first time I was 11yrs old and the whole street was out looking for me.I broke down finally and rang home at 4am to be picked up 2 towns over.When ever things got tough for me I ran away.Im still doing it.Luckily I have 2 whole countries to live in now and lots of places to run to!
But this time Im going home and cant wait to do all the things Ive been missing out on since James got cancer and life came to a standstill.
Everyone told me it would take at least a year for me to heal and it has.Over a year actually.But Im not in grief now and I feel strong again,strong enough to take care of others.Ive been hiding away and licking my wounds.I still have raw patches that I scratch at but they are lessening now.I can look at myself in a pic and not think that someones missing.I can look in the mirror and see a whole person again.
Its been a long process but a very good learning time.Ive met some wonderful ppl and made some lifelong friends.Everyones been caring for me and now its time for me to give back.Ive taken time out and now I need to put time in.

posted by butterflies @ 11:28 AM 6 comments

Saturday, May 10, 2008


The beauty of life is not because of how happy you are, but how happy others are because of you.

posted by butterflies @ 4:02 AM 4 comments

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

the decision.

After being in the US for almost a year,I will head home soon.I have my residency all sorted out which gives me the freedom to come and go as I please.That makes me happy...but the last couple of weeks have been a struggle trying to decide what to do.So making the decision has calmed my mind.I already had a return ticket and will use it instead of wasting it.Until this moment,I wasnt ready,wasnt able,to go back.
Now I have a longing in my heart to go back to my own home.The cottage that James and I redecorated,furnished and loved.I need to see my son and my grandson.I need to see my brothers and my mother..my nieces and my nephews.I need my space again.
Its been a wonderful,healing and loving time here and I will return.
But right now,I have to go home.The time is right.I feel New Zealand calling me.

Im so grateful to the wonderful friends here that have given me joy and hugs and taken me to all the new places.They helped me to discover and walk in the steps of my ancestors who came as pioneers from England.I feel their courage.
I love New England..my first ever white xmas,the gorgeous houses and buildings.
This place has healed me.
So before I leave I will go to OKC and see Danny Taylor.Hes excited Im coming and we can have some laughs together.And I will see my lovely Sleepless sista and my wonderful heart brothers and I will ride and get a suntan:)
Im getting stronger and its a great feeling.
Butterflies do fly free.

posted by butterflies @ 11:35 AM 4 comments

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