I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Saturday, September 27, 2008

What I See

While I lived in the States for a yr I began to gain weight again..5lbs.I know it doesnt sound like much but considering I was 54kgs 7 yrs ago and am now 58kgs,its a big shock to my system.My body no longer looks like it belongs to me.Its the body of an older woman (which of course I am).Its changed and developed,some would say it needed to.Until I was 45 I was the same weight as I was all through high school.I didnt put on weight until I met James and I slowly began to eat,drink and be merry.
My boobs grew and so did my hips..my tummy poked out instead of the once flat one that Id known all my life.I have gone through times of hating this body.
Now though,I have started to love it once again.It is the body of a woman..the women that Rubens painted in the 1600s..real women.
Im a size 6 instead of the 2-4 I always was..But I feel mature now.
Im not skinny anymore..or thin.Im rounded and curvy.My face has filled out.I look healthy.Everyone comments on that.
I wear the same kind of clothes but somehow they look different.
Im happy,healthy,loved and cared for..It shows on my body:)

posted by butterflies @ 2:19 PM 2 comments

Friday, September 05, 2008


Its so good to be home again.After a year overseas which has been so healing for me,Im settled again.
I ran away from this cottage in the country..because James died here, and because my journey was to take his ashes back to the states, to his family.Next weekend is his brother Dannys memorial service..two beautiful men now united again.Its a lot for his family to bear. 2 deaths in 18mths.But they are strong and they survive with love for each other.Thats what keeps them going.They are wonderful people.
I met some amazing new friends there who helped me heal.It was good to be in a place where I was loved for who I am...without pitying me or wondering if Im going to break.Living in MA was beautiful.The colors are wonderful anytime of the year and I had my first white xmas.

I was afraid to come home,to face it and to be alone.But Im happy.Im with my son and grandson,my favourite boys.They are my heart.I will never be alone.

posted by butterflies @ 10:51 PM 4 comments

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