I listen to the gentle murmuring voice
Of our city, awake despite the hour
And I linger, unwilling to return
To the television world inside — droolingmonkey

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

2 Years Too Long

Two years is a long time not to see someone and its even worse when you know that you will never see them again.
I miss James with every fibre of my body,every heart beat,every breathe I take..
His presence is around me strongly this morning.Im going to do what he loved me to do.Have my hair done and have lunch with Mum..
I love you James xxxxx

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”
-- Norman Cousins

posted by butterflies @ 8:44 AM 7 comments

Saturday, February 14, 2009


Trust is something hard to win
Easy to lose
And never to be taken for granted,

posted by butterflies @ 11:30 PM 4 comments

Friday, February 06, 2009


I learnt something the other night that has changed the way I think and feel.
It was a profound moment for me.

I was watching a programme on tv about a guy who was too scared to eat certain foods.
He wouldnt eat meat or anything that came out of an animal,he wouldnt eat vegies cos they came out of the dirt,he wouldnt eat fruit cos it came from trees where birds could shit on it..I thought he was terribly disabled.He even took his own Christmas dinner to his friends house.
He went through all these things with his shrink and we learnt about his OCD and how he had to double check his door 4 times before he could leave the property.
It turned out that his mother took him and his brother to get an icecream when he was 5 yrs old and told them that when they got home their father wouldnt be there.
He wasnt and he never saw him again in his life.Hes now 50...so the door checking was like checking to see if his father has come back..subconsciously.
We all do that.We internalise everything until the *thing* becomes something else.
So the shrink said to him....maybe the thing that you fear the most has already happened.I sat bolt upright!!! OH!
How wonderful!! To have it BEHIND! to have already been through it...to be a million miles away from that fear!.OMG I was amazed and it spoke to me.
Ive had some terrible things happen to me and the most devastating heartache to deal with.
And really...what could be worse than what has happened already??
Or maybe,as we get older and more mature we learn to deal/cope/handle things better.
Anyway,whatever that shrink said that day helped me.It gave me hope.It gave me strength.

Today is Waitangi Day in New Zealand.The day that The British signed a treaty with the Maori,the indigenous ppl of NZ (or Aotearoa,the Land of the Long White Cloud.)

Peace and love :)

posted by butterflies @ 9:37 PM 9 comments

Site design by M. Collins, 2003