Sunday, March 30, 2008
Well its my birthday again.Last year I was still in enormous grief but this year...Well Ive definatley turned a corner.This is the first time I can honestly say that Im not in mourning:)
Something happened to me this week that made me go so far down and in real despair.It took me 2 days to get feelings back after I shut down to stop the pain.
Now in my heart, I have forgiven that person(tho they dont know) and I feel Gods peace and love washing over me again..Im moving on with my life now.I have strength back and determination.I am my fathers daughter once again.
Yesterday,my mum went out to Jakes and took a cake as it was his birthday 2 days ago.
We shared our party on cam and it was great.
The sun is shining in Boston and this week is going to be in the 60s! Summers coming and Ill be riding again..woohooo:)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Aftermath..Hit the bottom
Turn the corner
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Hurt..Something has hurt me so much that I cant even begin to explain it.
I dont want to discuss it here and it has nothing to do with the wonderful
kind friends that have taken me under their wings and allowed me to rest.
Rather,its been a rejection by someone I believed in.
Its hurt me down to the core of my being and plunged me into a hole so deep.
Theres such a darkness around it.
All of the good advice I can give to others,I cannot give to myself.
Im falling and I cant stop it.
Im sorry that Im writing this even.
My sorrow is amplifying all the grief I ever felt.Im trying hard to stop crying
but Im not succeeding..I need to be able to think...
Saturday, March 22, 2008
For God so loved the world so much
that He gave his only Son,so that everyone who believes in Him will not die but have eternal life.
For God did not send His son into the world to judge,
but to be its Saviour.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
FeelingsIm feeling sad tonight..James brother Danny,who I love so much,is losing his long battle with cancer.Hes had it for 10 yrs and has had all kinds of treatment but now its in his throat and its not lymphoma but oesphoheal cancer.Hes had radiation and chemo and hes very brave going through all of this.
I love him and think of him and pray for him every day.
Im feeling lost and lonely and wish I could be in OK with him..but its not possible at this time for me.
PLease pray for him..I love him.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
My dear old Dad
It is 7 yrs ago today since my dad died..he also had cancer.Luckily he didnt suffer as much as James did but it was so heart breaking watching my father slowly slip away.All of the family was there holding him and loving him and I was playing his favourite jazz music.
There were some funny things that happened..my mother had told him "you better not die on my birthday" and he obliged her by dying the day before;)
The hospice staff taught me a lot and in retrospect,it prepared me for the time that would come when I had to take care of James with cancer.
My fathers death changed my life in many ways..it gave me wings.He gave me so much strength that I knew if I survived his death,I could survive anything.I said to him on one of our last days sitting in the sun together "I cant bear this,my heart is going to break" He said "no it wont,it will grow" and it did.
So today as I sit in New England,with spring coming and some joy returning to my heart,I celebrate the lives of the 2 men I have loved so much.I am not sad because they no longer suffer.Im filled with love,a love that they taught me.
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